I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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