1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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