they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
