Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
