I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
