I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm too high and old for this...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
