No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
