Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
