Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
