I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
even my farts smell like vagina
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
