I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The air taste purple.
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