The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
