nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
two words: eviction party
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
