So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I smell stomach acid.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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