Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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