His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
