I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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