He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
