Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
