trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
