I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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