You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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