so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
