I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
