i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
