Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
NoShamevember. You game?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize