Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I won the penis lottery.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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