Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
