Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
