There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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