I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
