thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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