that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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