some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
