nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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