Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
