She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
These tits shall not be calmed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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