What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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