I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
