I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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