nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
