Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
