I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
