Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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