By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize