Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize