Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize