we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She's the barista slut.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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