Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
