Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
