We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
