Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
