can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize