just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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