Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
