We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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