I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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