I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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