My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
