i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
