i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize