he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
