I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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