Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
