i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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