i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
