I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
