When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
