I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
