I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize