oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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